Weddings: In the Synagogue?

It used to be customary, even commonplace, to hold wedding ceremonies inside the synagogue sanctuary. However, when it became a distinctly Christian practice to hold wedding ceremonies inside the church sanctuary, the practice was abandoned. This is based on the prohibition of “bechukoteihem lo teleichu,” the prohibition against doing something that is distinctly non-Jewish. This prohibition is especially severe when it comes to non-Jewish influence in ritual matters.[1]

Many authorities also argue that holding a wedding inside the synagogue sanctuary should be banned because it is inconsistent with the sanctity and decorum that must be maintained in a synagogue sanctuary.[2] It is reported that Rav Joseph Ber Soloveitchik was once invited to a wedding, and when he saw that it was to be held inside the synagogue sanctuary, he said that if he had known he would have avoided attending. He held that it is not proper to have a wedding ceremony in a synagogue sanctuary as the sanctuary should be reserved exclusively for prayer and Torah study.[3] So too, Rav Moshe Stern refused to perform weddings that were to be held inside the synagogue sanctuary.[4]

Common custom among Ashkenazim nowadays is to hold wedding ceremonies outdoors whenever possible. Holding a wedding ceremony outdoors -- under the stars -- represents our wish that the Jewish people become abundant like the stars of the Heaven, just as God promised Avraham.[5] Some point to the verse "may there again be in the cities of Judea and the streets of Jerusalem the voice of joy and the voice of happiness…" as a scriptural source for holding wedding ceremonies outdoors.[6] It is preferable for the ceremony to be completely out in the open, and not under a glass roof or the like, even if the stars are visible.[7] Other authorities rule that a wedding ceremony held indoors under a skylight or other window that allows one to see the stars is considered to be “outdoors” for this purpose.[8]

Nevertheless, it is completely permissible to hold wedding ceremonies inside the synagogue sanctuary, or in some other indoor location, and this is somewhat common.[9] So too, an officiating rabbi need not object to a bride and groom who wish to be married indoors.[10] It is possible that holding wedding ceremonies indoors is the result of past anti-Semitic decrees and other considerations that made gathering in public for ritual purposes dangerous.[11] The weather in Ashkenazi Europe was also certainly a factor in moving wedding ceremonies indoors. It should be noted, however, that although holding a wedding inside the synagogue sanctuary is not truly forbidden, it is strongly frowned upon. Indeed, one should make heroic efforts to hold a wedding ceremony outdoors even if one must brave reasonably cold temperatures in order to do so.[12]

Most authorities rule that a second marriage may be held indoors without hesitation. Among the reasons for this is that in a first marriage, the chuppa serves as the primary “kinyan”. For a second marriage, however, it is the yichud room that is the primary kinyan. For this reason, some authorities have even suggested that it is better to hold the wedding ceremony for a second marriage indoors in order to minimize the delay between the wedding blessings and the yichud room. Having the wedding ceremony and yichud room under one roof removes any concerns for a “hefsek”, an unnecessary interruption. It is also taught that just like the second tablets of the Ten Commandments were given privately, so too, a second marriage should be more of a private event, as well.[13]

Most other authorities, however, are not concerned about such a hefsek and rule that even a second marriage can be held outdoors without hesitation if the bride and groom so desire. In Sefardic communities there is no emphasis on holding wedding ceremonies outdoors, and wedding ceremonies are regularly held indoors.[14]

On a related note, there are grounds to suggest that it is preferable to hold wedding ceremonies at night.[15] Most authorities, however, hold that it makes no difference what time of day wedding ceremonies are held.[16] There was once a custom to hold wedding ceremonies between mincha and maariv with a small quorum of close friends and relatives, with the remaining guests arriving for dessert and Birkat Hamazon.[17]

[1] Chatam Sofer, EH 98; Mahari Assad, OC 38; Maharam Shick, EH 87; Divrei Malkiel 5:205; Ktav Sofer 47; Pri Hasadeh 4:97; Minhag Yisrael Torah, EH 26-66:16 s.v. Makom Hachuppa.

[2] Imrei Aish (Eisenstater) 1:10; Be'er Chaim Mordechai 1:7; Nefesh Harav p. 257.

[3] Nefesh Harav p.257.

[4] Be’er Moshe 5:167.

[5] Rema, EH 61:1; Shulchan Ha’ezer 7:2:1; Kitzur Shulchan Aruch 147:1.

[6] Yirmiyahu 33:11.

[7] Minhag Yisrael Torah, EH 26-66:16 s.v. Makom Hachuppa.

[8] Pri Hasadeh 4:97; Shulchan Ha’ezer 7:2:1.

[9] See for example: Maharil, Hilchot Nisuin; Rema, YD 391:3; Beit Shmuel, EH 30:9; Aruch Hashulchan, YD 391:12.

[10] Igrot Moshe, EH 1:93; Yabia Omer 3:10.

[11] Veshav V'rapeh 2:81.

[12] Minhag Yisrael Torah, EH 22-66:16 s.v. Makom Hachuppa; Chatan Sofer 86; Igrot Moshe, EH 1:93; Be’er Moshe 5:167; Mevakshei Torah 26.

[13] Pitchei Teshuva, EH 62:1; Likutei Maharich 3:131.

[14] OC 391:3; Sdei Chemed, Chatan V’kalla 2; Yabia Omer, EH 3:10.

[15] Ketubot 56a; Shearim Metzuyanim B’halacha 146 (Kuntres Acharon);

[16] Aruch Hashulchan, EH 26:14; Teshuvot V’hanhagot 4:286.

[17] Pitchei Teshuva, EH 62:10. See there for additional wedding customs.